I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Hope you enjoy both the occasions with your family. Have lots of happy times and yeah don't forget to think, think and think.
My new year resolution is to update my blog on most of the days.
But I will publish my next post at 15 January. And I will try to publish as many as 10 blogs in January. But no blogs in February and March as boards are there to eat my head. After March I am wholly yours.
So again a Happy Christmas and Merry New Year.
Only yours,
pUns the blogger.
Jingle bells jingle bells, jingle all the way,
puneet the blogger will come after the boards re...
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tell her
The smell inside a hospital is always intolerable, and more so when one doesn't knows why he is actually there. I was having supper when my cell-phone rang. Cell phones must have a feature of not receiving calls during dinner.
"Hello"
"May I speak to Mr.Jim?" a thin female voice asked. It was an anxious voice.
"Speaking"
"Mr. Jim, can you please come to the 5th avenue hospital. It may sound insane but I have got no reason for which you should come. I am just asked to call you here urgently." now the tension grew in her voice, she sounded like an employee, but an inexperienced one.
"But" I tried to argue.
"It's urgent. So please come." it was a desperate voice now.
"Is it concerned with any of my realtives or my parents."
"Sir, I told you. I don't know the reason. I am just asked to call you as soon as possible." She hung up. I think she knew that I would obviously come.
Now sitting here in the lobby of the hospital, I am utterly confused.
"Are you Mr.Jim?" that same thin voice asked from my back. I turned around and saw the destroyer of my supper. She was a nurse in her mid-20s.
"Now I know the reason, so can you please come after me" she said. Now I was totally confused. I started walking behind her, but still a dread swept through my head.
This time I didn't ask for the reason but just walked behind her. She turned to the coma chamber of the hospital. The hospital wasn't crowded at that time.
In the coma chamber hall, she pointed towards room no.7.
"You won't come."
She shook her head.
"So I should go alone"
She nodded.
I walked slowly as if I was going to see some type of a monster in that room.
I pushed the door staring at the white floor, and when I looked up I saw a man of my same age but I wasn't able to recognise him.
He was looking really weak as if nearing his death, his bones of face were evident, and there was very little flesh remaining on his face.
I had seen him somewhere.
"I knew you would come, Jim. You always trust other people's words and come to help." he was speaking with a effort, but I knew this voice.
I knew this voice very well. I wasn't able to beleive Ian in such a pitiable condition. That handsome shaven face, most logical person of our management training, that lean and athletic body. I met him two years before. We were good friends but never great friends.
But I still remember that day when only I stood up for him against a very rich bully in our second year. The bully threatened to thrash him, and he was in process to do that in front of the students, when I came to his rescue. Ian was strong at that but still the bully had much more flesh in his arms. I knew it would be humilating for him to get beaten in front of all the students. I felt that for him, and saved him from a beating that day. I just supported him by distracting the bully.
I just remember a sentence he said to me that day "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." It wasn't a big deal for me to help him, but only the small things that make a big deal.
"What has happened to you Ian, can't beleive you are in such a bad condition. At first I wasn't able to recognize you man!" I said in a small voice. I was just terrified to see him in such a condition, what can possibly happen to this tall hunk?
"Cancer" that voice was strong but horrifying, I had only heard that voice when my family doctor diagnosed my brother of severe mental disability. It had a touch of courage.
"What?" nothing more than that came from my mouth, i was just not able to speak for a few seconds. After a few seconds he broke the silence.
"Hey don't be so silent, you know I hate silence. If you will react so silently, how will she react." he told me, but now why did he have to talk about Kate, I know he loved her like anything. For him Kate was the ultimate aim. Kate was a fellow student in our management course. She was pretty and the most kind hearted person I ever met. I never really talked to her like a friend, but it was like that with me with most of the female fellows.
"Who Kate?" I asked even when I knew.
"Yes, I called you here so that I can tell you something which you will tell her after I die. I have not much time left and not much energy also. The chemotherapy has drained me of my life." he said again in that terrying and strong voice.
"Don't say that Ian, you are the liveliest person I have ever seen." I retorted.
"But now this cancer is draining me of life. We are lively till we beleive. Life plays games with us and we sometimes have to react strongly to the life's moves in the game." he told me in a familiar teacher voice. He is a teacher, Ian is.
"Leave it, what do you want me to tell Kate?" I really wanted to know this.
"Tell her that it was I who always kept chocolates at her desk in our university." I knew Kate just loved chocolates.
"Tell her it was I who sent those mysterious notes of Trans-cycle management in our first year." now those notes were a decidor for most of our grades.
"Tell her It was me who always wrote poems for her and kept them in her duffel bag."
"Tell her it was me who gifted her that notebook in which I wrote what I felt about her." I still remember Ian writing that notebook with different pens. But when he kept that notebook in Kate's bag, he didn't write his name.
"Tell her that I always dream of her when I sleep." he choked when he said this, he started again.
"Tell her it was me who fought with those bullies for her." Ian broke fingers in that fight, so that Kate could live in peace.
"Tell her that I lost the speech competition intentionally only to see her smiling." that day was mysterious because even after losing the speech competition Ian was very happy. Now I know why.
"Tell her that I cried the whole night after we passed out from the management course."
"Tell her that everytime she smiled, I lived a life."
"Tell her that I like it when she makes that confusing face. I just love that expression of her." his voice was deteorating, but I didn't stop him from saying what he wanted to say all these years.
"Tell her that it was I who explained her parents of allowing her to work in the Rockies' Department Store." her parents were against her of joining such a bad occupation but Kate wanted some experience.
"Tell her she is the most pretty girl in this world, and that it was I who sent her the cosmetic products which she liked so much."
"Tell her that I sent her the romantic novels which she liked so much."
"Tell her it was me who lent a kidney to his brother, because I wasn't able to see her so sad and depressed."
"What the hell, you lent Whitley your kidney. Ian do you know that a single kidney is one of the most key-factors of cancer." I said after a long time, well I shouted in reality. But how can he risk his life.
"Tell her that the last word of my life was" his voice trailed.
"First answer me Ian, how can you risk your life? How can you?" i was trembling.
"Kate..." he stopped and his life ended. I shook my body to close his eyes, then I realised that I had been standing during the whole time we talked. He died, Ian Strieber died that January night. I just wasn't able to take it through my throat. But I wasn't crying for him, I don't know but I felt like laughing out loud. Yeah it was true grief, I loved Ian for that moment the greatest. I had heard many times 'Love kills' but now understood it somehow. For her brother, he died. For the sake of dying, he died. For love, he died...
Next day I called Kate and asked her for a drink in Broncho's Cafe. I didn't tell her about the death of Ian, but I knew what Ian wanted me to tell her.
"So after a long time we are meeting." she came from behind where I was sitting. She looked as if she had used one of the cosmetic sets Ian gifted her. She was pretty. And her eyes were the best.
"So anything special or something else." she was always straight forward.
"I just want to tell you something. Ian loved you and he died last night. If you don't beleive me just read this page in which it's written what he never wanted you to know." I choked as I finished the last sentence, it was the first time after Ian's death that tears flowed on my face. I looked towards Kate. She took the page and stood up, she didn't even say bye. She was crying, I saw that. I never saw or heard from her after that day.
Even after so many years I still wonder why did Ian choose me to tell everything to Kate. But then it's the small things that make a big deal.
"Hello"
"May I speak to Mr.Jim?" a thin female voice asked. It was an anxious voice.
"Speaking"
"Mr. Jim, can you please come to the 5th avenue hospital. It may sound insane but I have got no reason for which you should come. I am just asked to call you here urgently." now the tension grew in her voice, she sounded like an employee, but an inexperienced one.
"But" I tried to argue.
"It's urgent. So please come." it was a desperate voice now.
"Is it concerned with any of my realtives or my parents."
"Sir, I told you. I don't know the reason. I am just asked to call you as soon as possible." She hung up. I think she knew that I would obviously come.
Now sitting here in the lobby of the hospital, I am utterly confused.
"Are you Mr.Jim?" that same thin voice asked from my back. I turned around and saw the destroyer of my supper. She was a nurse in her mid-20s.
"Now I know the reason, so can you please come after me" she said. Now I was totally confused. I started walking behind her, but still a dread swept through my head.
This time I didn't ask for the reason but just walked behind her. She turned to the coma chamber of the hospital. The hospital wasn't crowded at that time.
In the coma chamber hall, she pointed towards room no.7.
"You won't come."
She shook her head.
"So I should go alone"
She nodded.
I walked slowly as if I was going to see some type of a monster in that room.
I pushed the door staring at the white floor, and when I looked up I saw a man of my same age but I wasn't able to recognise him.
He was looking really weak as if nearing his death, his bones of face were evident, and there was very little flesh remaining on his face.
I had seen him somewhere.
"I knew you would come, Jim. You always trust other people's words and come to help." he was speaking with a effort, but I knew this voice.
I knew this voice very well. I wasn't able to beleive Ian in such a pitiable condition. That handsome shaven face, most logical person of our management training, that lean and athletic body. I met him two years before. We were good friends but never great friends.
But I still remember that day when only I stood up for him against a very rich bully in our second year. The bully threatened to thrash him, and he was in process to do that in front of the students, when I came to his rescue. Ian was strong at that but still the bully had much more flesh in his arms. I knew it would be humilating for him to get beaten in front of all the students. I felt that for him, and saved him from a beating that day. I just supported him by distracting the bully.
I just remember a sentence he said to me that day "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." It wasn't a big deal for me to help him, but only the small things that make a big deal.
"What has happened to you Ian, can't beleive you are in such a bad condition. At first I wasn't able to recognize you man!" I said in a small voice. I was just terrified to see him in such a condition, what can possibly happen to this tall hunk?
"Cancer" that voice was strong but horrifying, I had only heard that voice when my family doctor diagnosed my brother of severe mental disability. It had a touch of courage.
"What?" nothing more than that came from my mouth, i was just not able to speak for a few seconds. After a few seconds he broke the silence.
"Hey don't be so silent, you know I hate silence. If you will react so silently, how will she react." he told me, but now why did he have to talk about Kate, I know he loved her like anything. For him Kate was the ultimate aim. Kate was a fellow student in our management course. She was pretty and the most kind hearted person I ever met. I never really talked to her like a friend, but it was like that with me with most of the female fellows.
"Who Kate?" I asked even when I knew.
"Yes, I called you here so that I can tell you something which you will tell her after I die. I have not much time left and not much energy also. The chemotherapy has drained me of my life." he said again in that terrying and strong voice.
"Don't say that Ian, you are the liveliest person I have ever seen." I retorted.
"But now this cancer is draining me of life. We are lively till we beleive. Life plays games with us and we sometimes have to react strongly to the life's moves in the game." he told me in a familiar teacher voice. He is a teacher, Ian is.
"Leave it, what do you want me to tell Kate?" I really wanted to know this.
"Tell her that it was I who always kept chocolates at her desk in our university." I knew Kate just loved chocolates.
"Tell her it was I who sent those mysterious notes of Trans-cycle management in our first year." now those notes were a decidor for most of our grades.
"Tell her It was me who always wrote poems for her and kept them in her duffel bag."
"Tell her it was me who gifted her that notebook in which I wrote what I felt about her." I still remember Ian writing that notebook with different pens. But when he kept that notebook in Kate's bag, he didn't write his name.
"Tell her that I always dream of her when I sleep." he choked when he said this, he started again.
"Tell her it was me who fought with those bullies for her." Ian broke fingers in that fight, so that Kate could live in peace.
"Tell her that I lost the speech competition intentionally only to see her smiling." that day was mysterious because even after losing the speech competition Ian was very happy. Now I know why.
"Tell her that I cried the whole night after we passed out from the management course."
"Tell her that everytime she smiled, I lived a life."
"Tell her that I like it when she makes that confusing face. I just love that expression of her." his voice was deteorating, but I didn't stop him from saying what he wanted to say all these years.
"Tell her that it was I who explained her parents of allowing her to work in the Rockies' Department Store." her parents were against her of joining such a bad occupation but Kate wanted some experience.
"Tell her she is the most pretty girl in this world, and that it was I who sent her the cosmetic products which she liked so much."
"Tell her that I sent her the romantic novels which she liked so much."
"Tell her it was me who lent a kidney to his brother, because I wasn't able to see her so sad and depressed."
"What the hell, you lent Whitley your kidney. Ian do you know that a single kidney is one of the most key-factors of cancer." I said after a long time, well I shouted in reality. But how can he risk his life.
"Tell her that the last word of my life was" his voice trailed.
"First answer me Ian, how can you risk your life? How can you?" i was trembling.
"Kate..." he stopped and his life ended. I shook my body to close his eyes, then I realised that I had been standing during the whole time we talked. He died, Ian Strieber died that January night. I just wasn't able to take it through my throat. But I wasn't crying for him, I don't know but I felt like laughing out loud. Yeah it was true grief, I loved Ian for that moment the greatest. I had heard many times 'Love kills' but now understood it somehow. For her brother, he died. For the sake of dying, he died. For love, he died...
Next day I called Kate and asked her for a drink in Broncho's Cafe. I didn't tell her about the death of Ian, but I knew what Ian wanted me to tell her.
"So after a long time we are meeting." she came from behind where I was sitting. She looked as if she had used one of the cosmetic sets Ian gifted her. She was pretty. And her eyes were the best.
"So anything special or something else." she was always straight forward.
"I just want to tell you something. Ian loved you and he died last night. If you don't beleive me just read this page in which it's written what he never wanted you to know." I choked as I finished the last sentence, it was the first time after Ian's death that tears flowed on my face. I looked towards Kate. She took the page and stood up, she didn't even say bye. She was crying, I saw that. I never saw or heard from her after that day.
Even after so many years I still wonder why did Ian choose me to tell everything to Kate. But then it's the small things that make a big deal.
Täke the Ầnimắl out of you
We all have a beast inside us, a rage which when unleashed can do wonders or throw thunders. A beast which not many people try to take out of their souls. This beast is nothing but anger, rage, agitation which we get from the many wrong things which are done to us. We are cheated, beaten. People stress us emotionally, we live in depression. We try to forgive the people who do this to us. But each time we are cheated or beaten or betrayed, an animal takes form inside us. Just try to recall the last time you were betrayed or cheated, you will find that before thinking of forgiving that person, first you must have thought of tearing that person out. It's a natural feeling, a feeling which starts growing from the first time we are betrayed. Not many of us do anything else except forgiving that person. We don't take out our frustrations, that frustrations starts growing like a tumour in our body and more betrayals feed it regularly. Just try recalling many incidents in which your heart was hurt because of someone else, I am sure you will feel like throwing all the things out of the room in which you are sitting.
Most of us have learnt to tame this feeling, we have packed this feeling inside many of the corners of our brain. And when this animal of bad feelings is unleashed, it really destroys many lives. If it is unleashed you will have no control over your mind, you will just think of destroying everything. It will destroy your mind (remember the girls in the movies who don't get their love, see the way they become mad, those maddening eyes, those pitiful hair) you lose yourself like anything. But if we are a very balanced person in our minds, we can turn this energy, animal in our favour. For this we have to think about all our betrayers and then just vow to show them our worth, to show them that what they did to us was wrong. To do the hell with them, we vow or owe die. It's our life, how dare they make us an animal.
We live in a society, a society in which respects only a mannered person is respected, but we should never be afraid to show our true self. Our true self. My true self. Just throw out your frustrations, don't be afraid. If you won't at that moment itself, then you will have only two choices to make - to die or to vow and i tell you the latter one is amazing but very difficult.
So it's your choice you unleash your animal at that moment of betrayal or be a society person.
Your choice.
What do you think we should do - unleash the animal at that moment or wait and die a coward's death???
Most of us have learnt to tame this feeling, we have packed this feeling inside many of the corners of our brain. And when this animal of bad feelings is unleashed, it really destroys many lives. If it is unleashed you will have no control over your mind, you will just think of destroying everything. It will destroy your mind (remember the girls in the movies who don't get their love, see the way they become mad, those maddening eyes, those pitiful hair) you lose yourself like anything. But if we are a very balanced person in our minds, we can turn this energy, animal in our favour. For this we have to think about all our betrayers and then just vow to show them our worth, to show them that what they did to us was wrong. To do the hell with them, we vow or owe die. It's our life, how dare they make us an animal.
We live in a society, a society in which respects only a mannered person is respected, but we should never be afraid to show our true self. Our true self. My true self. Just throw out your frustrations, don't be afraid. If you won't at that moment itself, then you will have only two choices to make - to die or to vow and i tell you the latter one is amazing but very difficult.
So it's your choice you unleash your animal at that moment of betrayal or be a society person.
Your choice.
What do you think we should do - unleash the animal at that moment or wait and die a coward's death???
Live the moments in which you really live!!!
'Don't waste your time. Go and study'
'Yup'
Just think if you are playing with your pen, reading the most idiotic novel of the century, watching a dog licking his beloved bone from the balcony.
Are you wasting your time???
Well if you think that by doing some things you are wasting your time, then you are wrong. Utterly wrong...
Yeah everything you do, it's not waste. It's like living a life in itself. Living for the something you are doing. Nothing in this world done is waste of time. Even when you play with a pen, you train your fingers to catch something fast, you quicken the response of your brain. Even when you betray your friend, you come to know of the consequences of betraying a friend (now, don't get emotional and start betraying your friends). When you do something it trains your brains. It teaches your brain to respond to specific thing. It can be good or bad, but always remember " EVERYTHING IN LIFE DONE IS NEVER WASTE"
It's an experience to the brain.
It is just that our society gives importance to very less things. But that doesn't means that other things are waste of time. Even when you are lying on your bed and gazing on the floor and thinking, you are doing something worthwhile. Just don't be too affected by what others say. Do what you like the most, just do it...
Be your own king and never think of anything as a waste of time...
If you disagree with me, then tell me...
'Yup'
Just think if you are playing with your pen, reading the most idiotic novel of the century, watching a dog licking his beloved bone from the balcony.
Are you wasting your time???
Well if you think that by doing some things you are wasting your time, then you are wrong. Utterly wrong...
Yeah everything you do, it's not waste. It's like living a life in itself. Living for the something you are doing. Nothing in this world done is waste of time. Even when you play with a pen, you train your fingers to catch something fast, you quicken the response of your brain. Even when you betray your friend, you come to know of the consequences of betraying a friend (now, don't get emotional and start betraying your friends). When you do something it trains your brains. It teaches your brain to respond to specific thing. It can be good or bad, but always remember " EVERYTHING IN LIFE DONE IS NEVER WASTE"
It's an experience to the brain.
It is just that our society gives importance to very less things. But that doesn't means that other things are waste of time. Even when you are lying on your bed and gazing on the floor and thinking, you are doing something worthwhile. Just don't be too affected by what others say. Do what you like the most, just do it...
Be your own king and never think of anything as a waste of time...
If you disagree with me, then tell me...
Happy = Sad it's nothing but neutral
The only law this world follows is equilibrium!!!
Yeah the equation and the quotation is quite correct, this world is in equilibrium. Just imagine you achieve something, you are happy. But someone else is sad, just sitting out on his porch he is sad and even crying. Your degree of happiness is equal to the degree of his sadness. And deep in your heart you are also sad for that person.
Even if you deserve that achievement, you are still sitting on your couch and thinking why didn't that person deserved the achievement. Why? Why you?
And that's it. You are there sad, and after reading this if you think, "Why the hell should I care about that other person" then you will get sad by thinking that how did you become so ignorant towards other people.
And when you are sad, you try to overcome that sadness by doing something that will make you happy. In our life we always curb for balance, for equilibrium. We want to live a very balanced life. Our happines is our sadness. Our doom is our life.
Even this universe follows, just see the atoms. The electrons and protons are like happiness and sadness (you see they keep changing or transferring) but the neutrons are always constant in an atom. You can't change the number of neutrons in an atom.
So what do you think.
Is h@ppiness = s@dness???
What say???
Yeah the equation and the quotation is quite correct, this world is in equilibrium. Just imagine you achieve something, you are happy. But someone else is sad, just sitting out on his porch he is sad and even crying. Your degree of happiness is equal to the degree of his sadness. And deep in your heart you are also sad for that person.
Even if you deserve that achievement, you are still sitting on your couch and thinking why didn't that person deserved the achievement. Why? Why you?
And that's it. You are there sad, and after reading this if you think, "Why the hell should I care about that other person" then you will get sad by thinking that how did you become so ignorant towards other people.
And when you are sad, you try to overcome that sadness by doing something that will make you happy. In our life we always curb for balance, for equilibrium. We want to live a very balanced life. Our happines is our sadness. Our doom is our life.
Even this universe follows, just see the atoms. The electrons and protons are like happiness and sadness (you see they keep changing or transferring) but the neutrons are always constant in an atom. You can't change the number of neutrons in an atom.
So what do you think.
Is h@ppiness = s@dness???
What say???
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
